Why You’re Broke: How to Stop Emotional Spending and Build Financial Resilience
They say money talks, but have you ever stopped to listen to what you tell your money?
Most of us think being broke is a math problem. We tell ourselves, "If I just had a million dollars, everything would be great." But here is the reality: If you give a person with a scarcity mindset a million dollars, they won't feel rich—they’ll just feel a million times more anxious.
Your bank account isn't just a reflection of your job. It is a reflection of your Mental Resilience.
In Episode 20 of the Dee Hankins Show, we continued our journey through the "Core Four" of Resilience by connecting the mind to the wallet. If you want to fix the leak in your bank account, you have to fix the leak in your mindset first.
Here is how your Mental Resilience controls your Financial Resilience—and how to finally take charge.
The CEO vs. The Employee (Financial Edition)
In the last episode, we established that Your Mind is the CEO and Your Body is the Employee. Well, in the corporation of "You Inc.," your Money is an Employee too.
Money is just a tool. It is a resource. It does exactly what you tell it to do. If your money is constantly disappearing, or if your finances are always in chaos, it’s not because the money is "bad." It’s because the CEO (your mind) is giving it bad instructions.
When the CEO is stressed, anxious, or checking out, the employees run wild.
The Trap of Retail Therapy (Buying Feelings)
One of the biggest killers of financial resilience is Emotional Spending, or what we like to call "Retail Therapy."
I’ve been there. When I was struggling to build my brand on Instagram and YouTube, I wasn't consistent. But instead of fixing my work ethic, I tried to fix my feelings. I told myself, "I need a new camera. I need better lights. I need a new microphone."
I wasn't buying equipment; I was buying a feeling. I was paying for a hit of dopamine to make myself feel like I was making progress.
This is the hard truth about retail therapy: You are never just buying a product.
You are buying relief from stress.
You are buying a "take that" to your boss.
You are buying a momentary feeling of "I matter."
If you cannot soothe yourself mentally, you will pay to be soothed financially. And that bill adds up fast.
The Ostrich Effect: Stop Hiding from the Numbers
The second sign of low Mental Resilience is Avoidance. I call this the Ostrich Effect.
Be honest: Do you avoid opening your banking app because you know the number is going to be low? Do you swipe away the notifications or leave the bills in the mailbox?
That is the CEO hiding under the desk while the building is on fire.
You cannot fix what you will not face. High Mental Resilience means having the courage to look the monster in the eye. It means opening the app, seeing the negative balance, and feeling that pit in your stomach—but then refusing to let it define you.
Your Net Worth is not your Self Worth. Once you separate those two things, you can stop hiding and start strategizing.
Scarcity vs. Strategy: Flipping the Script
So, how do we fix it? We have to change the narrative. If you constantly tell yourself, "I'm bad with money" or "I'll never get ahead," your brain will subconsciously sabotage you to prove you right.
We need to move from Scarcity ("I can't") to Strategy ("I choose").
My "Store Test" Strategy: When I was getting out of debt, I used a simple trick to break my emotional spending loop. If I saw a pair of shoes I wanted, I would go into the store and ask for the total price. Let's say it was $100. I would walk out of the store, open my banking app, and immediately pay $100 toward my credit card debt.
It hurt. But it forced me to put my money where my goals were, not where my emotions were. It changed the narrative from "I want this now" to "I want freedom later."
The Challenge: The "Why Check"
If you want to stop the bleeding this week, take the "Why Check" Challenge.
For the next 7 days, before you buy anything (other than gas or groceries), stop and ask yourself one question:
"What feeling am I trying to buy right now?"
Are you buying the coffee because you’re thirsty, or because you’re bored?
Are you buying the shirt because you need it, or because you had a bad day and want to feel new?
Are you buying the truck because you need it for work, or to keep up with the guys at the job site?
If you catch yourself buying a feeling, STOP. Put the wallet away. Address the feeling mentally, and save the money physically.
Summary: The Financial Resilience Cheat Sheet
You are the CEO: Your money is just an employee waiting for instructions.
Stop Buying Feelings: Retail therapy is expensive coping. Deal with the emotion without swiping the card.
Face the Numbers: Don’t be an Ostrich. You can’t fight a monster you refuse to look at.
Flip the Script: Change "I can't afford it" to "I am choosing to save for something bigger."
Remember: Life throws curveballs, but even curveballs can be hit for home runs.
Watch the Full Episode: Episode 20 - Mental Resilience: Mind Over Money
Timestamps:
0:00 - Intro: It’s Not a Math Problem
1:45 - The CEO vs. The Employee (Money Edition)
2:40 - Retail Therapy is Expensive Coping
6:25 - The Ostrich Effect (Stop Hiding from Your Bank App)
14:50 - Scarcity vs. Strategy: Flipping the Script
15:30 - The "Store Test" Strategy
19:00 - The Challenge: The "Why Check"